The Big Chihuahua Page 2

  “I know what you’re thinking. That’s what the police said. The seven-year itch. She got tired of being married and ran off. But, believe me, there was nothing wrong with our marriage. I mean, we had our share of problems, but we were working on them.”

  “Ask about the problems,” Pepe suggested.

  “If you don’t mind my asking, what were the problems?”

  “Well, of course, that’s why you’re here,” Mark said. He leaned forward. “We wanted children, but we couldn’t get pregnant. No matter what we tried and, believe me, we tried everything. Then finally, just when we gave up, Tammy got pregnant. She was so excited.”

  He took his glasses off and rubbed at his eyes. “She had a miscarriage in the fifth month. It was terrible. She couldn’t get over it. That’s when those people got a hold of her.”

  “The Dogawandans?” I asked.

  “Yes, she attended a seminar and they filled her head with nonsense. Said it was all meant to be. The baby was not gone but living in a different dimension. And she could be there, too, if she divested herself of all her attachments. She went away for a weeklong retreat at their compound, which is somewhere near Cle Elum, and she never came back.”

  “How long ago was that?” I asked.

  Mark sighed. “Almost a month ago.”

  “And the police weren’t concerned?” I found that hard to believe.

  “No. Not after I showed them the note.”

  “What note?”

  He set down his cup, reached into the back pocket of his jeans, and pulled out a worn wallet. He opened it and pried out a piece of much-folded paper. He handed it to me without comment and watched as I unfolded it, carefully, because it had been folded and unfolded so many times it was about to fall apart. The message was written on pale green, lined paper, the kind you find in steno notebooks, like the one I carry for my case notes.

  “Read it out loud, Geri!” ordered Pepe.

  So I did. It read:

  I’m not coming home.

  Don’t try to make me.

  This is the last time you will hear from me.

  I am dead to you from this point forward.

  Chapter 3

  “Not good,” grumbled Pepe.

  “Pretty ominous!” I agreed, folding it back up and handing it to Mark. “It almost sounds like a suicide note.”

  He nodded. “Yes, if it weren’t for the money, I might think that, too.”

  “What money?”

  “A few days after I got this note in the mail, Tammy withdrew twenty-five thousand dollars from our bank account. I’m positive she gave it to the Dogawandans.”

  “Geri! That is mucho dinero,” said Pepe. “And it is all going to a dog!”

  “Not to a dog,” I said. “To Crystal Star.”

  “Ridiculous, right?” snapped Mark. “All of our retirement money. She just wiped out our account. I’m investigating whether I can get any of that back. Of course, I immediately cashed out our other accounts and put all the money in my name. I’m not going to let that fraud get her hands on it.”

  Fraud was a strong word but maybe true—there had been many articles written over the years accusing Crystal Star of being a fraud. No one could believe that she was really channeling an ancient spirit presently housed in the body of an elegant Weimaraner. But I knew better than most people that strange things could happen. As if to illustrate my point, Pepe spoke up again.

  “Geri, we must go to meet this woman who can talk to dogs. Once she listens to me, she will throw off this Dogawanda character and make herself an acolyte of Pepe el Magnifico! ”

  We borrowed a photo of Tammy, a vivacious redhead with a wide, freckled face and an infectious grin. I promised to call Mark as soon as we had any information.

  I drove straight home to Eastlake. My condo is in an old brick building that was built around the turn of the century and converted to condos in the 1980s. The building has eight units built around a central courtyard. Each has its own front porch, back door, tiny laundry room, small kitchen, small dining room, small bedroom, small bathroom, and a small living room with a bay window. Mine is on the corner and has what they call a pocket view: I can just see a sliver of Lake Union, the urban lake just north of downtown Seattle. I’ve always loved my home both for its retro charm and its coziness, but it looked cramped after the luscious spaciousness of the Darling home.

  I went into the kitchen and scooped out a generous portion of Pepe’s favorite wet dog food and plopped it into his bowl. Then while he was chowing down, I went through my cupboards, gathering all the ingredients I needed for the evening meal.

  I was making dinner for my boyfriend, Felix, and his brother, who was flying up from L.A. It was going to be a little tricky since Felix and his brother are both carnivores while I’m a vegetarian, so I planned to make a pasta dish.

  I had already been to the specialty butcher at Melrose Market and purchased some slices of ham that I planned to dice and add to the portions I served to my guests. I wasn’t going to have any even though I had been assured the ham came from a happy free-range pig that had been slaughtered humanely. I was a vegetarian before I adopted Pepe, but once my dog started talking to me, I became even more committed. Not that Pepe understood this. He is most decidedly not a vegetarian and we frequently argue about this.

  Albert the Cat came in to rub against my legs, and as soon as he entered the kitchen, Pepe left. They had reached a sort of truce, after some initial dust-ups, where they had agreed not to be in the same space at the same time. Pepe had claimed the living room while Albert the Cat ruled the bedroom, but they had to share the kitchen.

  Pepe begged me to turn on my laptop. “I will do research on this Dogawanda character,” he said. It was set up on the coffee table in the living room where Pepe could see the screen and use his tiny paws on the touch pad.

  So I let him entertain himself while I made sure I had everything I needed for dinner. I checked the items off one by one and was just congratulating myself for being so organized when Pepe called out.

  “Come quick, Geri!” he said. “I have found something.”

  “What is it?” I asked, hurrying into the living room.

  “Sit down and see for yourself.”

  Pepe is pretty skilled at working the computer. He even has a Facebook page and more friends than me. He pushed a button with his paw and an image of a beautiful, fortyish woman appeared on the screen. She had long, frosted blond hair and was dressed in multiple layers of flowing turquoise silk. Her arms were lined with turquoise bracelets and her fingers thick with silver and turquoise rings. Her head was raised skyward, her mouth was open, and the expression on her face was one of sublime ecstasy. On either side of her stood two huge statues of wolves, their heads also raised high, as if they were howling at the moon.

  The caption below the photo read:

  DOGAWANDA OFFERS TRUE PATH TO ENLIGHTENMENT

  I read the story out loud: “‘Rock guitarist Fox Black arrived Saturday at the Dogawanda Ranch just a few miles outside of Cle Elum for some one-on-one time with the famous guru, Dogawanda, and his human translator, Crystal Star. Black’s manager says his client is “burned out on fame” and is seeking a more meaningful approach to life. The famous lead guitarist is only the latest in a long string of celebrities who have sought counsel from Dogawanda.’”

  “Perhaps we are in the wrong business, Geri,” said Pepe. “Maybe you should channel me and we, too, could rake in the dinero.”

  “Pepe,” I said. “If I could get people to believe that you were a talking dog, we would make a fortune.”

  “You think?” he asked.

  “Yes, I do,” I said. I followed a link on Crystal Star’s page to the Dogawanda Center for Enlightenment. This page showed a blurry photo of a beautiful gray dog who appeared to be floating on a cloud.

  “So what does this Dogawanda have to say?” Pepe asked.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “He’s not speaking to me the way you do.
But apparently somebody has transcribed his sayings.” I clicked on a sidebar that read THE WISDOM OF DOGAWANDA, VOLUME I.

  “Read it to me, Geri,” said Pepe.

  So I did: “‘In the Before Time, Dogawanda cast off his slavery to all things and became a warrior for Truth. Needing not gold or silver, he traveled the continents spreading enlightenment and tranquility. Having nothing, you have everything, and everything is the Here and Now, became his mantra. This is the Word of the Dog.’”

  “I like the last part about the dog,” said Pepe.

  I clicked on another one of the tabs at the top of the screen. This one was labeled EVENTS.

  “Oh, this looks good,” I said. “Crystal Star is giving an introductory weekend at the Center and it starts tomorrow. It looks like I can still register. Then we’ll be able to find Tammy Darling. All we have to do is pretend to be interested in Dogawanda.”

  “I am interested in Dogawanda,” said Pepe. “If Crystal Star knows how to find people who will listen to dogs, I want to meet her!”

  Chapter 4

  I called the number on the screen, and it was answered right away.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry,” said the woman on the line, who introduced herself as Lily. “We’re completely full for that weekend. It’s been sold out for several months.” She offered to put my name on the waiting list and asked me for a lot of information, including my credit card number, my birth date, and my address.

  “Just in case we have a last-minute cancellation,” she said.

  I didn’t like that, and I wondered how Pepe and I were going to make contact with Tammy Darling if we couldn’t get to the Center.

  Just then the doorbell rang. It was Felix. I had asked him to help me train Pepe. I hoped it would give us some time together before his brother arrived. We had been dating for over a month, but it was still unclear where the relationship was heading.

  “Ready for the training session?” Felix asked after handing me a bouquet of fragrant sweet peas. He looked great as usual, in a pair of chinos and a crisp white T-shirt that set off the caramel color of his skin.

  “We will see who trains who!” said Pepe.

  “I’m ready,” I said, whisking the flowers away and putting them in a vase. “But I’m not sure about Pepe.”

  Felix turned to Pepe and asked, “Are you ready for some training, my little amigo?”

  “Not before I get a treat, hombre,” Pepe told him.

  As if he understood my dog, Felix pulled a baggie out of the pocket of his scuffed black leather jacket. It contained some crumbled bacon bits. He gave one to Pepe, who quickly devoured it.

  “That should soften him up,” Felix told me. “There’s nothing like a positive reward when working with a dog. He will soon figure out that there’s more to come when he learns to obey.”

  Finished with the last morsel, Pepe said, “Obey this, mister!” and ran to the door, scratching on it to go out.

  “Look at that,” Felix said with a grin. “He’s ready to go.”

  “Good human!” Pepe praised Felix as he headed to the door. “You came right to me just as I wanted. I think you may do well. Now open the door.”

  I got Pepe’s leash and harness from the hook on the back of the door, but before I could get them on him, Felix opened the door and Pepe dashed outside.

  He got halfway down the block before I managed to grab him and wrestle him into his harness and leash.

  “Notice how he walks so far ahead of you,” Felix said as we proceeded downhill. The rain had let up, although clouds still covered the sky. Pepe was a few yards ahead of us, at the very end of the retractable leash.

  I nodded. This was typical. Pepe always surged ahead of me on our daily rambles. Lately he had taken to impulsively dashing across the street in search of ever more tantalizing aromas, which is what worried me and made me ask for Felix’s help.

  Felix was an animal trainer. He grew up in L.A. in a show business family and went to school to learn how to work with wild animals on TV and movie sets. When he moved to Seattle (in search of a quieter life, he said, but he had never told me exactly what he meant by that), he went into a more domestic line of business: as a dog trainer, which he said usually involved training the human more than the dog.

  “That means Pepe considers himself the alpha,” said Felix. “He’s scoping out the scene for danger before you enter the picture.”

  “Do not worry, Geri,” said Pepe, whose sensitive long ears had picked up our conversation. “I will protect you.” We turned right when the road hit the lake and walked along a street lined with blackberry brambles on one side and parking lots for the houseboat residents on the other.

  “How thoughtful,” I murmured.

  “Not really,” said Felix, with a little frown. “You need to be the alpha. He should feel certain that you will protect him from harm, not the other way around. It’s our job to provide safety for our dogs.”

  We were heading for a small pocket park on the edge of the lake. Just then, a cyclist buzzed down the hill and zipped into the parking lot, almost crashing into the leash and possibly causing a fatal accident. I had to race ahead to catch up with Pepe, scooping him up and out of the way just in the nick of time. I was trembling when Felix caught up with me.

  “That was a close call,” Felix said, gathering me into his arms.

  He held me until I stopped trembling, and he never once said I told you so, which is one of many things I love about Felix. I also love his kindness and his patience, with both people and animals. And it doesn’t hurt that he’s so handsome, with his brown skin, his high cheekbones, and his dark eyes. I snuggled closer, taking in the scent of his cologne: something spicy and earthy.

  “Put me down!” said Pepe. “You are turning me into a Chihuahua pancake!” I set him down on the ground, and he ran off to sniff at the base of a tree.

  “So let’s work on getting him to come when called,” said Felix once I had stopped trembling.

  “OK,” I said.

  “Get him to look at you, then call his name,” said Felix. “Like this!” He called Pepe’s name and snapped his fingers.

  Pepe gave him a glance. I could see the disdain in his expression—maybe it was the drooping ears. His ears are very expressive. Then he walked off in another direction.

  “Pepe!” I said. “Ven aqui.” Sometimes he responds better to Spanish than to English. But not this time. He didn’t even look up but kept his little nose glued to the ground, as if he was intent on some important discovery.

  “Just wait for him,” said Felix. “He will eventually want to know what you’re doing.”

  “I know what she is doing,” said Pepe. “She is listening to bad advice from someone who believes he is the boss of me.”

  “So who do you think is the boss?” I asked Pepe.

  “You are!” said Felix. “You just have to be patient.”

  “I am!” said Pepe. “Do I not understand the wisdom of the Here and Now?”

  “Oh, don’t give me that Dogawandan jargon,” I said to him.

  “Really,” said Felix. “Those people? I don’t think they have the corner on patience.”

  “Oh, I wasn’t talking to you,” I said. “Pepe and I are supposed to go to a seminar taught by a dog. We’ve been researching it, and now he’s rather full of himself.”

  “He’s always full of himself,” said Felix.

  That got Pepe’s attention. He gave a little growl.

  Felix laughed. “I don’t mean that as an insult. These little dogs always act much bigger than they are. They have to.”

  “I am a little dog with a big heart and an even bigger spirit,” Pepe announced. “Dogs are only limited by their acceptance of limitations.”

  Just then my cell phone rang. It was Lily from the Dogawanda Center calling to say there had been a last-minute cancellation. Was I still interested in registering for the weekend?

  “Of course!” I said.

  “Great! I’ll e-mail you
a map and a list of what you need to bring,” she said. She hung up before I could ask if it was OK to bring a dog. I assumed so, since the whole thing revolved around a dog.

  “Since when have you been a devotee of Dogawanda?” Felix asked as we headed back to my condo. We had given up on training Pepe. Felix had tried all the techniques he knew, but Pepe seemed to be impervious to all of them. He made it clear that he was going to do the opposite of whatever Felix wanted him to do, bacon or no bacon.

  “I’m not a Dogawandan,” I told Felix. “It’s just that Pepe and I have to deliver a message to a woman who’s up at their ranch.”

  “Just be careful,” said Felix as we headed up the stairs and into my condo. “I know someone who got involved in one of these cults in L.A. It’s much easier to get in than it is to get out.”

  “I don’t know why everyone’s so worried about me,” I said, a little more sharply than I intended. I closed the front door and hung up Pepe’s leash and harness on the hook on the back of the door. “It’s not like I’m that gullible.”

  “No, it’s just that you always see the best in everyone,” said Felix, pressing me up against the wall and delivering one of his great kisses. Combined with his body pressed against mine, it was doing amazing things to me.

  “Geri, I would not do that if I were you,” said Pepe.

  “What? Leave me alone!” I managed to murmur.

  Felix stepped back, a hurt look on his face.

  “I wasn’t talking to you,” I said, drawing him back toward me. “I was talking to Pepe. He was complaining about something.”

  “You are so attentive to his needs,” said Felix. “What about mine?” And he moved his body against me in ways that made it clear what his needs were. In fact, it made it clear what I needed. It had been way too long since I had gotten any action. Felix and I were always being interrupted just as we were about to tumble into bed.